Beyond the Mask: A Journey to True Freedom
Why Shedding the Masks We Wear is the Key to True Happiness
Freedom is taking off the mask.
From the time we come out of the womb, we’re told what and who we are. It’s not malicious. It’s what we do. We label the world, and it labels us right back. But true freedom is allowing ourselves just to be. Be what and who we are. Most of us put on masks that fit people's perceptions of us. I know because I wore a mask for most of my life. Although helpful, it was ill-fitting, and through the years and exploration of self, I could put the mask down and walk away. This is how it happened and how you can do the same.
My mask was a cry for acceptance; I think most people's masks are. We want to do what is expected so we may be admitted into some form of family. The security of acceptance is a powerful thing. Our relationships mean more than that little voice inside saying, “Let me be free!”
I became an athlete in my adolescence because that was where I found that acceptance. As Ram Dass said, “In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight.” I wore the mask of the athlete, playing the role expected of me, and it felt good. However, over time, I felt the weight of it — how suffocating and ill-fitting it was. Yet, I kept it on, fearing what might happen if I removed it.
During a commencement speech, Jim Carrey brilliantly highlighted how these masks impacted us when he said, “Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Risk being seen in all of your glory.” Jim is really pointing to how the masks we wear make our true selves invisible. By hiding behind them, we deny the world the chance to see who we truly are.
It’s funny how our masks become our blinders, and we don’t veer far off our group or family’s path for fear they might take our masks away. Where would we go? Who else would give us the chance to wear their mask?
Each man’s life represents a road toward himself. — Hermann Hesse
But that fear of acceptance changed for me during my freshman year of college, when I learned that I didn’t have a lot in common with the other athletes and didn’t really care to keep putting on the mask.
So, what did I do? I quit college athletics.
I thought leaving behind one mask meant I had found myself, but the truth is, I simply traded one identity for another. This cycle repeated itself throughout my life, each mask offering temporary comfort but ultimately leaving me feeling disconnected from who I really was.
Where did I go? I wore a new mask, one that read “academics” across the forehead.
Then again, I wore another mask when I found a career, and that mask wore thin after two decades.
Though each mask gave me a sense of belonging or purpose at the time, they were ultimately just temporary roles. The real freedom came when I realized I didn’t need any mask to feel whole.
Until recently, I was frustrated with myself. My inner monologue involved a lot of shouting and shaming because I didn’t recognize these patterns sooner. It wasn’t helpful.
All of these masks and this journey are all about self-discovery. I’ve accepted that.
Once the mask was removed, I felt a weight lifted, and I realized that many of my fears were self-imposed.
The journey has been slowly peeling away the mask and realizing it was no longer necessary. I am grateful for the many moments and milestones that contributed to this.
Although the mask caused struggles, the connections were also meaningful. Parts of who I was peeked out from behind the mask, and I realized I could still be accepted by those who truly loved me.
I urge you to explore who you are and realize that there will be those who oppose you and those who love your transformation. But this is no different than any other time in your life. You have allies and enemies.
Instead of fearing what could happen when you share your most authentic self, walk through the door of fear and realize it for what it is: a gateway to happiness.
Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. — C.S. Lewis
The joy in authenticity is worth the risk. It’s okay to take the mask off now; when you do, you’ll discover that freedom has been waiting for you all along.
